I’ve definitely seen people put such a large emphasis on Hungry and Tired, but little emphasis on Angry and Lonely. This also pretty applicable to adults too; what happens when an adult is feeling all these four and neglects addressing either one of HALT? Like if an adult is hungry, angry, lonely and tired but only takes care of hungry and tired. What happens to the other root causes? How can those be addressed so that they don’t boil over another time?
It’s really interesting you mention that the emphasis is usually on hunger & the need for sleep. I feel like in society, we have lost touch with the fact that love & connection is a need for survival. This concept of HALT has been originally created for individuals who have addictions actually, because when our needs aren’t met we search for something to fill in that void. It can vary for each of us, meaning when we feel lonely & disconnected we might turn to shopping, drinking or anything that will temporarily make us feel “good” until we face the pain of feeling disconnected & truly work on building connection in relationships with other individuals in our life. In childhood, we may notice that children who feel disconnected from their caregivers might turn to things to fill up that “void”, they will constantly ask their parents to buy items & fill their void in this way.
Our needs don’t go away unless we address them. Providing these needs for our children as they grow up will ensure they aren’t left with voids in adulthood that they need to fill up.
That’s a really good question. I actually discuss ways of healing in the course called “triggers”, under the lesson called “inner child healing”. It’s a great start to healing our emotions that were suppressed in our childhood. I’m looking forward to hearing your experience after doing the suggestions I provide. If one doesn’t feel good while doing the suggestions that I bring up, there are also other things we can do which I will be discussing when we get to the topic of reparenting our own selves. You’ll let me know if my suggestions don’t feel good to you & I’ll share other ways of healing with you as well 🙂
I think my 8 year old daughter must be experiencing the lonely with a lot of her outbursts. She says things like- “nobody likes me”, “everyone thinks I’m a bully”, “nobody listens to me”, “nobody cares about me or understands me”. I’m curious how you actually help them not feel so lonely and feel accepted and heard. I will say her 3 brothers are telling her all the time how mean she is being and they say things like, you need to see someone about your anger or they will tell her how rude she’s being. I will say that I’m guilty of telling her that she’s being a bully to her siblings. Now I’m wondering if I shouldn’t have used those words to her. Any insight would be helpful.
I love the reflection you are having here. This is important to think over. We can help our children not feel lonely in their experiences by validating their experiences no matter how much we might not understand – we can accept their reality. I love how expressive your daughter is, she’s voicing how she feels, and that’s a sign she feels safe enough with you to tell you how she feels truly – what a beautiful thing this is. Validating what she is saying would be responding by saying: “You feel that nobody cares about you. Wow, that must feel awful. Can you tell me more about this?” – this way she feels you understand her. If let’s say you answer her by saying: “That’s not true, I care about you!” that doesn’t take away how she feels, it leaves her alone with how she feels, which tends to feel even worse. In regards to saying, “you need to see someone for your anger” & “That’s so rude”, I imagine that it must be painful for her to hear those things being said to her. I would love to discuss this further because this is so important and I have so much to say. I am keeping this question & bringing it up at the Q&A this month. You’ll get the recording of my detailed response if you can’t join us. sending so much love your way and I am so grateful you are here.
Hi sterna! I just joined your membership and would love some of the insight for the issue discusssed above that you wrote will be talked about in the q and a. any chance you can have that written in short or if possible can i have access to that section of the q and a? thank you so much!
Hi Rochel, Thank you for joining our online community. We are having our upcoming Q&A on June 27th (next week) & I will address it again. Would be so nice if you can join us – you’ll get more details via email as we get closer to the Q&A.
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I’ve definitely seen people put such a large emphasis on Hungry and Tired, but little emphasis on Angry and Lonely. This also pretty applicable to adults too; what happens when an adult is feeling all these four and neglects addressing either one of HALT? Like if an adult is hungry, angry, lonely and tired but only takes care of hungry and tired. What happens to the other root causes? How can those be addressed so that they don’t boil over another time?
It’s really interesting you mention that the emphasis is usually on hunger & the need for sleep. I feel like in society, we have lost touch with the fact that love & connection is a need for survival. This concept of HALT has been originally created for individuals who have addictions actually, because when our needs aren’t met we search for something to fill in that void. It can vary for each of us, meaning when we feel lonely & disconnected we might turn to shopping, drinking or anything that will temporarily make us feel “good” until we face the pain of feeling disconnected & truly work on building connection in relationships with other individuals in our life. In childhood, we may notice that children who feel disconnected from their caregivers might turn to things to fill up that “void”, they will constantly ask their parents to buy items & fill their void in this way.
Our needs don’t go away unless we address them. Providing these needs for our children as they grow up will ensure they aren’t left with voids in adulthood that they need to fill up.
So if someone is now an adult and has not had lonely and angry validated and in fact repressed them, how can one begin healing from that?
That’s a really good question. I actually discuss ways of healing in the course called “triggers”, under the lesson called “inner child healing”. It’s a great start to healing our emotions that were suppressed in our childhood. I’m looking forward to hearing your experience after doing the suggestions I provide. If one doesn’t feel good while doing the suggestions that I bring up, there are also other things we can do which I will be discussing when we get to the topic of reparenting our own selves. You’ll let me know if my suggestions don’t feel good to you & I’ll share other ways of healing with you as well 🙂
I think my 8 year old daughter must be experiencing the lonely with a lot of her outbursts. She says things like- “nobody likes me”, “everyone thinks I’m a bully”, “nobody listens to me”, “nobody cares about me or understands me”. I’m curious how you actually help them not feel so lonely and feel accepted and heard. I will say her 3 brothers are telling her all the time how mean she is being and they say things like, you need to see someone about your anger or they will tell her how rude she’s being. I will say that I’m guilty of telling her that she’s being a bully to her siblings. Now I’m wondering if I shouldn’t have used those words to her. Any insight would be helpful.
Hi Tammy,
I love the reflection you are having here. This is important to think over. We can help our children not feel lonely in their experiences by validating their experiences no matter how much we might not understand – we can accept their reality. I love how expressive your daughter is, she’s voicing how she feels, and that’s a sign she feels safe enough with you to tell you how she feels truly – what a beautiful thing this is. Validating what she is saying would be responding by saying: “You feel that nobody cares about you. Wow, that must feel awful. Can you tell me more about this?” – this way she feels you understand her. If let’s say you answer her by saying: “That’s not true, I care about you!” that doesn’t take away how she feels, it leaves her alone with how she feels, which tends to feel even worse. In regards to saying, “you need to see someone for your anger” & “That’s so rude”, I imagine that it must be painful for her to hear those things being said to her. I would love to discuss this further because this is so important and I have so much to say. I am keeping this question & bringing it up at the Q&A this month. You’ll get the recording of my detailed response if you can’t join us. sending so much love your way and I am so grateful you are here.
Hi sterna! I just joined your membership and would love some of the insight for the issue discusssed above that you wrote will be talked about in the q and a. any chance you can have that written in short or if possible can i have access to that section of the q and a? thank you so much!
Hi Rochel, Thank you for joining our online community. We are having our upcoming Q&A on June 27th (next week) & I will address it again. Would be so nice if you can join us – you’ll get more details via email as we get closer to the Q&A.
i missed it but im excited to hear the recording
I’ll be sending it out this week (hopefully today or tomorrow latest!)