Helping our child cooperate
Giving our children some autonomy & making our child feel seen & heard can help them cooperate with us. try the various different suggestions here & see how your unique child reacts & what they love best.
Giving our children some autonomy & making our child feel seen & heard can help them cooperate with us. try the various different suggestions here & see how your unique child reacts & what they love best.
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Hi Sterna!
My 4 year old hates it when I go to work. My work schedule isn’t always consistent so I may work once a week every month or less sometimes 3 days a week.
How do I go about leaving and making her feel connected? I often leave and say I am going to work but I will be back shortly- I give her a big kiss and a hug and I leave. She always cries and I feel so guilty/ I want to be sure I’m handling this while setting a boundary and giving a yes.
She is 4 years old.
Thank you.
Christine
Hi Christine,
At times we have no choice to set boundaries and our child will have a hard time with our boundary- it doesn’t mean we did something “wrong” or that they don’t feel connected to us. It simply means it’s very hard for them and that’s okay. Here, in the example you are bringing up, you are going to work. She is probably going to stay with something that loves her, she’s safe & you will be returning. You went about it well because you were clear with your daughter, rather than sneaking out to avoid her reaction. The more you are consistent & show her you are not scared off by her emotions, the more reassured she will feel & know that everything will be okay. Going through this repetitively will build her emotional resilience & she will know she can mange her discomfort & you will return & everything will be okay. When you come back ask her things like, “was it hard when I left?”, “now I am back right here with you, did that feel long for you?” bring her to realize that she managed & that now you are together as promised 🙂 so to sum this up, our role as a parent is to set the boundary & our child’s role is to feel however they feel & express it all.
I have a beautiful moment I’d like to share: one of my nieces was resisting going to sleep when her siblings were and I held space for her desire to not go to sleep and also, I placed a firm boundary of her not taking a glow up toothbrush to bed. I made sure there was sufficient light for her to feel safe and comfortable and asked her if she wanted to place the toothbrush in a safe spot or if she wanted my help to do so. She did it on her own and went straight to bed. The next morning she found it right in her safe spot and also got a solid good night of sleep.
Hi Esther,
I really appreciate you taking the time to share this experience with us. I love you how clearly stated the boundary around sleep and also considered your niece’s fears and made sure she was okay while also holding your boundary. The fact she put her toothbrush away on her own must have felt so good for her even thou going to sleep was something she was resisting at first. Love this so much! Thanks for sharing 🙂