The course on emotions & tantrums where validation & empathy are explained is a great way to emotionally connect with our children especially when they need it the most during their uncomfortable emotions . Here I am sharing the added things we can do in our relationship on top of the other things I have shared through out the previous courses.
Click here for the course notes
Click here for conversation starters to have with our kids to build connection
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Totally agree! Conditioning is conditional!
it sure is 🙂 thanks Laura!
So true about hugging the younger kids more than the older kids. I have a question about my 10 year old son. He used to be so affectionate with hugs and letting us lay with him while he fell asleep. In the last few months he has mentioned that he’s too old to let us lay with him and his hugs are so distant. It’s a quick squeeze with a pat on the back. Almost like he doesn’t want the hug. Any tips or suggestions with this? Thank you!
Hi Tammy, I love this question and the observations you are noticing as your son grows into pre-teen years. I think physical affection is something we need to discuss with our child. You can share how even as an adult, you need physical affection etc. AND it’s also important to respect his boundaries, so in the scenario you’ve described, you can ask, “Can I stay in your room and sit next to you then?” so still offering physical presence when your affection is refused. Physical presence also feels loving.
I have 4 kids (twin 5 year olds, 8 year old, and 10 year old. We are also home educators so we are together all day/every day and I still find it hard to give each kid 10 minutes of uninterrupted time. Someone else always needs something. I’ve also tried this and asking them what they want to do and a lot of times they say, I don’t know. Or my son takes it as an opportunity to play video games. Do I still follow their lead and do what they want or what do I do if they don’t know what to do? Suggests so things maybe?
In regards to rewards. Would this fall under the category of rewards if we tell our kids that before their screen time can happen we are first going to tidy up the house?
Thanks for the help!
I know it can get so hectic & hard to spend 10 minutes of undecided time with each child. Something what has helped me is to spend time with each child before they go to sleep. So let’s say 5 yrs old goes to sleep first, spend the 10 minutes with them first, then put them to sleep and then moves on to the next child while one child is already in their bed. Ideally, tho it would be asking your partner (if this is possible) to take over the needs of all kids while you give one child their special time.
I would follow their lead in whatever way they wish to spend the time with you OR you can also decide to have no screens used during these ten minutes. So I suggest you think over if playing video games feels like you are bonding or if it feels like you are on your, own in the game etc. The point is to connect with our child, so thinking over if a connection is taking place is key here. When a child shares that they don’t know, we can definitely suggest things like, taking a walk around the block, playing a board game, drawing together, baking together etc.
In regards to the last part of your question, I would simply announce that we are cleaning up now as the thing that everyone needs to do. Then screen time takes place. Meaning like the structure of our day goes in this order. So in reality it can be a “reward” if during such situations we say, “no screen time unless you clean up!” type of thing. Rather just staying focused on the need to clean up, “We need to clean up, here’s the things that need to be done, what do you want to start with first/ what can I help you with first” etc.
Hope this answers your questions 🙂