Many of us grew up with parents that invalidated our emotional experiences and therefore it might come naturally to us to invalidate our own child rather than give them the validation they need. In part one I explain what invalidation sounds like. I explain how this can bring a child to suppress their emotions & affect their self confidence. We want to move away from invalidating our child’s emotions & learn to validate their experience. Part 2 is the discussion on validation.
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I experienced a very proud moment when I was watching the video that I’d like to share with you all: my five year old niece came up to me and said that she felt sad that her sister didn’t want to play with her and that it happens often that kids don’t want to play with her. She’s a very gentle soul and wants to be kind to those around her so she couldn’t understand why such a thing would happen. I empathized with her and mentioned that not always when you want to play, others are ready to play with you and that when they are ready to play with her, they will. I stayed with her and instinctively mirrored her sad and disappointed look on her face and had her sit on my lap and gave her a big, comforting hug. I suggested that perhaps she find someone who looks like they want to play with her or that she could find another thing to do until they would be ready. I felt her hurt but did not get emotionally involved. After she had found something else to do, about ten minutes later, her sibling came up to her and had her organically join the game. It was such a beautiful moment to observe and be part of :). I wish I had that growing up and even now but I can only change myself, so here I am doing just that.
Thank you for sharing this moment with us Esther. Allowing whatever takes place to unfold & to be felt by the child is how the child learns to have empathy. Your niece felt what is was like to be left out, now she understands how others will feel when they are left out. She received your empathy on that moment & through this moment is learning to do the same to others that are in pain around her as well. Such a heartwarming moment that you experienced and your niece is so blessed to have an aunt like you! I totally hear you in regards to looking backwards & wishing you had gotten the same approach as a child & also understanding that it’s never too late to be that loving parent towards our own self as adults today. Sending lots of love your way.
Thanks so much Sterna, I love that you’ve created this community where we can learn from each other and get support. I’ve come from a very troubled and dysfunctional and broken home and thank G-d am choosing better for me and my life ahead. I’m so fortunate to be seeing how things can be better since I’ve lived through them being so bad. I appreciate the space you’ve created and am grateful. ❤️
So sorry to hear about your childhood & experience in the home you grew up in. Unfortunately, we can’t change our past however we can change our future & that takes a huge amount of bravery & courage. I hope you are proud of yourself 🙂 Sending lots of love your way.