Through validation children feel seen, heard & loved unconditionally. I also explain why sitting with our child’s discomfort is so important, rather than trying to make our child feel happy & fixing whatever challenge comes up for our child.
Helpful Link
Click here for course notes
Feel free to join the conversation below.
Hi there, does anyone have any tips for validating emotions of a toddler when toddler can’t speak?
Would love to hear any suggestions. Really struggling with this at the moment. Feeling very passive at times.
Hi Anna,
The less verbal a child is, the more they sense our energy. Meaning, even if we say words to our child & perhaps they don’t understand the meaning of the words, they feel the energy behind the words. So we can even speak to babies who can’t speak at all & they will feel our energy while communicating to them.That being said, saying simple & short sentences are probably best. We can say things like, “I hear you”, “I understand you” & something that is really beneficial is to say, “You wish (share what our child wished, for example: you wish we didn’t have to leave the party right now/ you wish you got the pink cup)”. It’s beneficial because we are modelling to our child how they can express themselves through words, we are giving them the tools to use as they grow older and eventually they will be able to share “I’m feeling so hurt, I wish….”. You can find some more scripts with ideas of what to say in the course notes that are printable, links are under the video. Thank you for bringing up this great question & I hope this answered your question.
Hey sterna!
my almost 3 year old, for a while on and off says ‘no you don’t love me’ =. ive tried saying things like really? tell me more/ why do you feel that mommy doesnt love you etc. but i dont really get much from her after that although she is really verbal for her age. sometimes ill notice its because i say it really forcefully whhich she doesnt like, so i’ll say you didnt like it how mommy said it you want mommy to say it in a more gentle way? and she;ll say yeah and carry on lol
I’m wondering if it’s something i need to be giving attention to or if it is just her experimenting with cause and effect? only since shes pretty young, im not sure if this is the age in need to be delving in and making it a ‘thing’
Thank you always!
Wow I love this so much. Firstly because your child is openly sharing how she feels & because she’s demonstrating & noticing & has the awareness of what “forceful communication” sounds like. The fact she’s saying this shows that it’s not her “norm” which means you are doing great 🙂 I like how you then go on to make sense of what she’s feeling by giving her the words to express herself. I think you are going about this in a wonderful way as described in your message – I don’t think anything else needs to be added. If you did want to add something you can tell her: “thank you for telling me!” AND you can also discuss how sometimes you may speak that way & it doesn’t mean you don’t love her & you also understand how it might feel like you don’t love her on these moments. Hope this answers your question!
Thanks so much! The forceful communication comment was a new perspective I hadn’t thought of !
Thank you so much
My pleasure & I am grateful you are here 🙂