We can’t control how our partner treats our child, however we can control how we choose to show up for our children – without putting our partners down 🙂
Hi Sterna, I love your Courses, thank you very much to be part of them!
Now I have also two questions.
I live with my child (13yrs) separate from his father in another country. The father wants to see my son anyway and we have decided to live in his house on the Holidays, for 1 week at Christhmas, Easter etc..and on the Summer Holidays 2 weeks. These Holidays are very hard and tricky sometimes,but there also very beautiful moments.
The father has a strong believe that children must be punished and yelled at/ spanking. He says , my parenting is nothing, his parenting is the Real parenting. We are not agree on parenting, but I try my best anyway , to keep a relationship with him, for my son.
This summer, on our arrival day , the father yelled at him and said very hurtful words.
My son cried and begged to go away from his house ! But we didn’t go away and stayed there. I listened to my son, I was patient to him, I was there for him. His father doesnt care about the feelings of my son. He does his thing and he never ever asks for permission from anyone and he is not willing to change his yelling, he doesn’t care.
On the other day they didn’t speak too much and the relationship between both are not so nice…
What should I do next time? Should we really go away from his house? Should I still try to support/ keep a relationship with his father?
2. Question
I am working in a Kindergarden. In one of my last job, some of my Collegues are sent children in to TimeOuts. But I was not allowed to go with the children!!! My Collegues says ,the child MUST stay alone and think about what he did .
What is the best answer to this?
How can I support children, who are having a hard time , but my Collegues are not happy about my actions. This caused a lot of conflict in my workspace.
I am not the best colleague and we have issues. I had already changed several jobs, but I really need an answer, because I still have colleagues , who have other working style as I have. I am trying to support children and be there for them!
Thank you for listening & sharing your questions with us.I hear how tricky & painful it might be to navigate the differences in parenting with your child’s father.
I love how you are listening to him, validating how he feels & helping him navigate his painful experiences with his dad.
Your son is 13yrs old, you can empower him to speak up for himself. When he is hurt, you can listen & then ask him, “do you want to share how you feel with your dad?” Perhaps if his father hears it from him he will understand how painful his approach is. You can also empower your son to write how he feels if he doesn’t feel comfortable to say it verbally.
On moments where your son wants to leave & you feel the need to stay there you can also empower your son with choices. He doesn’t HAVE to have conversations with his father, he can choose to read a book, work on an art project or keep busy with anything other than engaging with his father. I would honour how he feels & not try to force him to speak & be with his father if he doesn’t feel like it because he is hurt. It’s okay for him to be in his own bubble if that’s what makes him feel comfortable on that moment. Do you see what I am saying here? I can’t take a decision for you in regards to leaving the house or not, it is something you need to think over. You can also still allow space for their relationship to take place without staying in the same house. There are many options you can think through & I think it would be nice to listen to what your son has to say about how he feels. That being said, if you no longer want to be separated from your son’s father & want to live together, it’s important you honour your own self & then just continue to help your son navigate your different parenting approach like you are doing right now. Listening, showing you understand & trying to direct him to share how he feels with his dad AND honouring if he wants to take some distance from his dad.
2. Wow Mira, I can only imagine how challenging that is. The only thing you can do is shower those kids with love, especially when they are sent to a time out. Let them know that you don’t like it when they are away in time-out & that you wish they didn’t have to go there. Validate how awful it feels and ask them if they want a hug. It’s s painful to witness & sometimes our options are truly limited.
I’m sending so much love your way Mira, you are facing so many opposing views & you are sticking through your own values even if it makes things so much more challenging & I want to applaud you for this.
Hi Sterna,
thank you very much for your answers, I really appreciate them!
It is really tricky with the child’s father.
I only want to save my son from trauma, but I think, in some ways I don’ t have the opportunity.
It is also really challenging to work with people who has other views. My views are not really appreciated and I had to change my job at least 4 times…
I think this is the whole world , who needs healing from trauma. I really have to stuck with my point of views, to at least be there for some children. I hope , that they will remember of the love and give it to other who needs it .
But I really want to thank you for your beautiful Website, it helps me a lot!!
Hi Sterna, I love your Courses, thank you very much to be part of them!
Now I have also two questions.
I live with my child (13yrs) separate from his father in another country. The father wants to see my son anyway and we have decided to live in his house on the Holidays, for 1 week at Christhmas, Easter etc..and on the Summer Holidays 2 weeks. These Holidays are very hard and tricky sometimes,but there also very beautiful moments.
The father has a strong believe that children must be punished and yelled at/ spanking. He says , my parenting is nothing, his parenting is the Real parenting. We are not agree on parenting, but I try my best anyway , to keep a relationship with him, for my son.
This summer, on our arrival day , the father yelled at him and said very hurtful words.
My son cried and begged to go away from his house ! But we didn’t go away and stayed there. I listened to my son, I was patient to him, I was there for him. His father doesnt care about the feelings of my son. He does his thing and he never ever asks for permission from anyone and he is not willing to change his yelling, he doesn’t care.
On the other day they didn’t speak too much and the relationship between both are not so nice…
What should I do next time? Should we really go away from his house? Should I still try to support/ keep a relationship with his father?
2. Question
I am working in a Kindergarden. In one of my last job, some of my Collegues are sent children in to TimeOuts. But I was not allowed to go with the children!!! My Collegues says ,the child MUST stay alone and think about what he did .
What is the best answer to this?
How can I support children, who are having a hard time , but my Collegues are not happy about my actions. This caused a lot of conflict in my workspace.
I am not the best colleague and we have issues. I had already changed several jobs, but I really need an answer, because I still have colleagues , who have other working style as I have. I am trying to support children and be there for them!
Thank you for your answers!!
Hi Mira,
Thank you for listening & sharing your questions with us.I hear how tricky & painful it might be to navigate the differences in parenting with your child’s father.
I love how you are listening to him, validating how he feels & helping him navigate his painful experiences with his dad.
Your son is 13yrs old, you can empower him to speak up for himself. When he is hurt, you can listen & then ask him, “do you want to share how you feel with your dad?” Perhaps if his father hears it from him he will understand how painful his approach is. You can also empower your son to write how he feels if he doesn’t feel comfortable to say it verbally.
On moments where your son wants to leave & you feel the need to stay there you can also empower your son with choices. He doesn’t HAVE to have conversations with his father, he can choose to read a book, work on an art project or keep busy with anything other than engaging with his father. I would honour how he feels & not try to force him to speak & be with his father if he doesn’t feel like it because he is hurt. It’s okay for him to be in his own bubble if that’s what makes him feel comfortable on that moment. Do you see what I am saying here? I can’t take a decision for you in regards to leaving the house or not, it is something you need to think over. You can also still allow space for their relationship to take place without staying in the same house. There are many options you can think through & I think it would be nice to listen to what your son has to say about how he feels. That being said, if you no longer want to be separated from your son’s father & want to live together, it’s important you honour your own self & then just continue to help your son navigate your different parenting approach like you are doing right now. Listening, showing you understand & trying to direct him to share how he feels with his dad AND honouring if he wants to take some distance from his dad.
2. Wow Mira, I can only imagine how challenging that is. The only thing you can do is shower those kids with love, especially when they are sent to a time out. Let them know that you don’t like it when they are away in time-out & that you wish they didn’t have to go there. Validate how awful it feels and ask them if they want a hug. It’s s painful to witness & sometimes our options are truly limited.
I’m sending so much love your way Mira, you are facing so many opposing views & you are sticking through your own values even if it makes things so much more challenging & I want to applaud you for this.
Hi Sterna,
thank you very much for your answers, I really appreciate them!
It is really tricky with the child’s father.
I only want to save my son from trauma, but I think, in some ways I don’ t have the opportunity.
It is also really challenging to work with people who has other views. My views are not really appreciated and I had to change my job at least 4 times…
I think this is the whole world , who needs healing from trauma. I really have to stuck with my point of views, to at least be there for some children. I hope , that they will remember of the love and give it to other who needs it .
But I really want to thank you for your beautiful Website, it helps me a lot!!
With love,
Mira